As the crowd chants “Jeri! Jeri! Jeri” a crowd of 40something men with spare model airplane parts and laser pointers painted black and glued to their faces and a small minority of women who are traced in laser pointer red dots any time they move, we travel backstage where the featured and honoured guests ready themselves to take the stage after liberal drive-bys of the complimentary guests bar….
Bakula: I’m just saying it should be CAPTAINS order, that’s what I’m saying…
Mulgrew: I… Agree…
Bakula: in order of air date, most recent first…
Mulgrew: that… Is… CRAZY, your show lasted 3 seasons, I was captain… For… Seven.
Bakula: it was four seasons, and that’s not the point, I was the more senior…
Mulgrew: That’s… Outrageous!!!
Stewart: we are starfleet CAPTAINS!!. We are defined by our actions, and our impact on Star Fleet..
Bakula: you are NOT going first, Patrick.
Stewart: ours had the greatest impact, this is undeniable!
Mulgrew: oh stop! The audience was desperate.
Stewart: and we did it without the cheap theatre gimmickry of a… BORG… In a spandex bodystocking.
Mulgrew: that… Was… A… Logical plot… Move….
Bacula: haha, yeah… Haha… Right!! Your ratings were worse than ours before spandex and padding showed up magically left the collective!
Stewart: the way forward is clear, by seniority I go first!! Listen to them, they’re chanting my name.
Mulgrew: they’re chanting “Jeri” not Patrick.
Stewart: they are very clearly here to see me, I’ve done Scrooge and Star Trek movies. I was doing sci fi before you two were acting, I did…..
Bakula: oh stop! You had a bit part and everyone went to that movie to see Matilda May naked…
Stewart: How… DARE… YOU!!!! I won a BAFTA…
Mulgrew: Gentlemen, clearly it should be ladies FIRST. I go out sit in the middle chair, then you… Two… Gentlemen come out and sit on… Either… Side.
Bakula: haha, try again Kate. We tried that in Minneapolis and I couldn’t walk past the two of you, you both kept your chairs back.
Mulgrew: that was a mistake, the table should have been further forward
Stewart: ABSOLUTELY correct account of what transpired
Bakula: won’t happen again.
“Ladies and gentlemen: Jeri… RYAN!!!!”
Bakula: what!?! She’s not even in Star Fleet!!
Stewart: outrageous unsurpation of command structure!!!
Mulgrew: logically I should go next, she’s part of MY crew!!!
